2002-09-29 - 11:37 p.m.
2002-09-29 - 11:37 p.m.
i feel like noone loves me anymore.
i have sat home all weekend and didn't leave my house once. i had plans on saturday but i cancelled them because i felt too sad to leave the house.
i started cutting my forearm again. i got really upset last night, and kind of went nuts on it. now i will have to wear long sleeves or a swetshirt the rest of the year. i hope it doesn't get hot again. ironically, the cuts on my forearm look like they say HI. HI to you too.
i am sick of tired of waiting by the phone for it to ring and you to call. you tell me you care as much about me as you always have, but i never see you anymore. i am not a priority in your life anymore, and that breaks my heart. i know i am not good with realationships, and i expect a lot from the people i care about, but that's only because i would give you the world.
it just fucking sucks that i know you won't give me the same in return.
my parents found out that i was cutting again. i got the typical concerned parent "what can we do blahblah, we are concerned, blahblah, maybe it's your medicine" thing. i just don't know how to explain it has nothing to do with my medications, i'm just fucked up.
here are some cuts for anyone who cares: 
it's sad the only reason i haven't killed myself is because other people make me feel guilty enough that i don't do it.
my friend tried to put me in the hospital last night. but i'm pretty sure it wasn't because she cared, but because she was sick and tired of dealing with me. i <3 my friends.
and i want to die.