2002-01-17 - 2:20 a.m.
2002-01-17 - 2:20 a.m.
i can still see you when i close my eyes.
i feel empty when you smile and laugh.
i made eighty-one cuts.
they weren't deep.
it used to upset you so much.
but it still seemed worth it. i was in control.
i could look into your eyes together.
i go for walks by myself late at night. trying hard to remember something that i thought i once had. its like a straight line. never up. never down.
i made a blanket fort in my room. ill meet you inside. i have a flashlight for me.
and one for you too.
we can tell each other stories and look at the glowinthedark stars on my ceiling. and you sleep over and wear one of my old tshirts to bed and you smile because it smells like me.
what will we tell our kids? i cant hide my scars forever.
but whats a few more? i have thousands already. eighty-one more are not going to affect who loves me.
will you pity me?
or will you love me for who i am?
or will you resent that i did that to myself?
or will you just leave me because it upsets you?
some things never change.