2002-08-23 - 2:01 a.m.
2002-08-23 - 2:01 a.m.
i see a new doctor tomorrow. he sounded very stuffy over the phone. and he doesn't accept insurance. because he such a hotshot or something. so new drugs tomorrow. fan-fucking-tastic.
i cut myself last night. i suppose i should write that. since my diary is icut after all. once, on my left shoulder. i really want to cut my forearms, but it is still so hot out, i wouldn't be able to get away wearing short sleeves.
i keep having this recurring thought in my head that i want to sit in the middle of my kitchen floor, and slice my arms from my wrist down to my elbow, and just lay on the floor while i bleed. all things considered, it's a pretty boring idea.
i don't know how easy it is to get blood off of a hardwood floor.
not very, i would imagine.
we used to take the train together in the morning. we would hold hands on the train, and talk to each other about everything and nothing at the same time. i would kiss you goodbye in the middle of the train terminal, and give you a big hug. it was the nicest thing i have ever experienced. and that's all i need to say about that.
my scars scare you.
because you don't understand them, and you don't understand me.
noone seems to understand me anymore.