2004-02-21 - 3:07 a.m.
2004-02-21 - 3:07 a.m.
it's hard to believe that it's been over 50 days since i have updated.
i suppose it's a reflection upon how things are in my life. uneventful. which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but i have been getting the feeling recently that things are bordering on being too-unevenful. borderline empty. i'm not sure yet. i guess i'll have to wait another 50 days or so to find out.
i don't hurt myself anymore, so i feel odd writing here sometimes. the colors of the diaryland webpage still bring back very strange and conflicted memories for me, intense emotions that i haven't felt in a while.
and while i defintely do not miss the crying and the fluctuating moods and self-destructive behavior and the invasive (or pervasive, i suppose) sadness, i now feel like my life is slowly deteriorating into not much of anything at all. every day is another drip, and i don't know when i'm going to run dry.
i miss my friends, and doing silly/obnoxious/amusing/loud/late-night/spontaneous things. i'm just not a boring person. but that's what i seem to becoming, and i don't know what to do about it.
but i suppose i'll start writing here again, even though i'll forever associate #C6CEFF with sitting in front of my computer bleeding and crying and being a miserable bastard. but oh well.
better to learn from the past then forget it, i suppose.