2002-09-24 - 3:09 a.m.
2002-09-24 - 3:09 a.m.
i really don't feel like typing, but for some reason i feel compelled to write.
bleh.
i was going to post a bunch of pictures of my cuts here, but i decided not to. they're not exactly something i am proud of. although i do find them to be very pretty.
for some reason, i am really into taking pictures of my cuts. i knew i bought a webcam for a reason! haha.
i haven't been feeling very well recently. i have been cutting myself almost every day. to be honest, i don't really have any room left on my shoulders and upper arms. i am so close to cutting my forearm open.
so close.
i am going to pretend like you are here and you're telling me not to. and when i don't care about anyone's opinion, i care about yours. i want you to look at me and smile, i want you to hold my hand and take me for walks. i want you to surprise me by coming over. i want to wake up with you kissing my cheek. we laid in my bed just listening to each other breath. i could smell the shampoo in your hair, i think it's something special like lavendar that only you would wear. i took you out to breakfast but the only thing i could taste was you.
my wrist is bleeding and i don't care. and sadly, neither do you.
i sit here all alone, listening to my music, making long precise lacerations on my upper arms to make myself feel better. and sadly, it doesn't even help that much. i probably should go to bed.
i just wish someone was here to give me a hug.